I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
