I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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