remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
