pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
