On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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