Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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