I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
