Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i will never coherently bang her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
