I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
