i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
