i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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