see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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