I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
