Michael Bay diarrhea
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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