She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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