i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
