what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
