girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
