Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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