Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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