Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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