good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
