you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
