I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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