Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
