So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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