It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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