didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
