a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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