Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
