I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
