just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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