He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
