Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
