Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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