Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
