Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
