A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
