Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
