I want to have your abortion
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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