There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
