I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
