rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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