Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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