He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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