Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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