he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
