I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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