i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
