i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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