i think i have two assholes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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